YAPPING
23/06/24 - I am not interesting
My interests are so stupid. I'm not smart bout anythin, and the things I like aren't even that important and yet I still find myself very attached to them. I still feel the same even after 5 months, I still feel like I suck at EVERYTHING and even suck at being me. I see so much people that're smart about their interests and really into it while I can't even stick to a certain interest for a year. I feel dumb, I feel stupid, I've tried reading books to really try and get something into my noggin but it didn't really help and I hate reading. I'm so boring man ... I dunno what to do about it. I like drawing, I like a dead guy, I like music, is that it? Like that's all you have to say boutcha self ? pathetic shit. Why so invested in such unimportant things man. Go do something else that doesn't involve a screen. I feel really terrible and I wish some of my friends were active.
Not really related to any of these, but these past coupla months I've been thinkin bout killin myself. I don't really know how and I'm still considering it, I haven't done much to the world so what's the point.
11/01/24 - I suck at the things I do
I suck at art, coding, playing guitar, everything. I mean maybe some of my friends will tell me that I don't suck but for me honestly I suck, or maybe I'm just setting my expectations for myself way too high, higher than a kite. But honestly no, I think I don't really set any high expectations on myself I just want the things I do to be decent enough for me BUT THEN. The more I think of it, I think I'm being too hard to myself and I should just enjoy my young teenage years instead, like I'm only 14 ! I shouldn't be pressuring myself like this is some sorta job, I'm just doin all this for fun (but I ain't havin fun) and I'm in control of all of this and I can just stop myself at any second, but no, if I stop from doing things like those I'll overthink that I'm wasting time and that I am a useless bag of flesh.
I don't even know honestly I often overthink about this along with other stuff too but recently I've been thinkin about all this a lot. I should be answering my exams instead of blogging.